ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
