hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
