did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
