Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
