my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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