There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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