Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
