Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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