So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
