I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize