FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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