Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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