dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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