someone threw a dead crab at me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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