Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
