i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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