i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
