That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
