Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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