So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
