I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
