shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
