I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
