I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
