just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
