I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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