The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
