I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
