Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
