So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
