she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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