I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
