Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
