You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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