i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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