Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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