im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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