I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
