i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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