a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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