Me too!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
