Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
