We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
