my sisters under your porch take her home
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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