Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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