All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
