Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
