i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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