I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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