nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How's work?
Spinning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
