my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
