...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize