I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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