This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
