I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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