Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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