just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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