I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
