The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
