you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
