Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are all done wearing pants today
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
