you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
