I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
