I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
