K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
