How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
