Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
