Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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