Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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