Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
