You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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