is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
