I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
