Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
