I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
