well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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