How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
